The Grass is Always Greener.

I have never done anything brave in my life.

I have always thought things through. I have never been the type of person to make bad decisions. I think over the big things. I hide behind planning and things never being quite right. I find comfort in perfection is key, therefore we shouldn’t even try.

I never just jump.

I never go after the things that I want whole heartedly because I am far to afraid of getting hurt.

Whenever I’ve had my heart broken, its mostly because I made it that way.

I have always been the girl that tells my other friends what they should do. They trust my judgement.

Don’t get me wrong, I like being that girl sometimes, but sometimes theres a part of me that just wants to leave in the middle of the night and never come back, or at least not come back for a little while. The girl who has the courage to find a home in a place that I don’t know, or stick around to let someone in, long enough to break my heart. I think that the first and only time I had my heartbroken was by a person who was too much like me. They chose to get out before I hurt them.

Something makes me think that people like me aren’t meant to be truly happy, because then what would we focus on? Where would all the thoughts go? What could they be turned into? Theres no art in happy things, at least not good art, that i’ve seen. And maybe thats not fair and that plenty of people create happy art, but most of the time it doesn’t make you feel as much as the latter.

I want so badly to be what I am not, but I am me, and thats all I can ever be.

Maybe one day I will get the courage to get behind the wheel and drive for hours with no destination, but I know that even if I ever decide to be that person that I will always have people to call home to, and maybe thats not a bad thing. Maybe thats what the other half is looking for.

I know people always say that the grass is always greener on the other side, but maybe its just a different shade. Maybe the grass is just always going to be greener depending on your perspective, and maybe sometimes thats what we just have to accept. We will all always be chasing something because that is what makes us feel alive. Thats the stuff that we create. The stuff we can’t have-the stuff that we dream about.

And sometimes our dreams never compare to the real thing, and sometimes they are better.