To A New Middle

As I watch HIMYM I look at a hopeless romantic who has been every kind of person, the person who doesn't care, the person who cares too much, and someone who always tries to find the romance in ordinary life. I know that this is just a TV show, but it gives someone like me, hope. Hope that there is someone out there who would steal a blue french horn for me, who loves puns as much as me, and who isn't afraid to dream of "the one".

There are so many things that I have learned in my short 21 years of life, and that is, above all, stay true to who you are. If you are the hopeless romantic, settle for nothing less than spectacular. If you have your heart broken try to find the silver lining in it. No matter how many things we all experience, if we are who we are, we can conquer anything.

As I sit here on Christmas Eve, I recognize that I have let so many things and people interfere with the person I want to be. I have let "the fear" keep me from following dreams, and the heartbreak of past loves, has me trying to find a home in the arms of the wrong person.

From now on, I vow to only find comfort in someone who can genuinely make me smile, who isn't more work than its worth.

I am still young, and I have realized that I really am the one that matters most. I am the person that I have to face every morning in the mirror, and making that person proud means way more than sparing someone else's feelings. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but in this life, we have to be our main priority. If we choose to make everyone else our main priority, we spend most of our time protecting the feelings of another than protecting the feelings of ourself.

I know that so many things in life are fleeting, and I intend to make the most of the moments that take place while we are living in the present.

I am going to stop trying to find happiness in an app refresh, and I am really going to start to be the person that I want to be. Someone who is still figuring out who they are, has given me the strength to find out who I want to be. If he and and I were still together I think my life would be extremely different, I don't think i'd be chasing my dreams, I think I would be trying to help him chase his, and thats entirely my fault. To be someone's everything is a daunting task, but to believe that you are someone's everything is the scariest realization.

You cannot give up on who you are, to help someone else.

You have to come first.

You have to be what you think about.

I think that him breaking my heart was one of the most bittersweet things, because he broke my heart and wrecked a future I could actually see, but he also made it so I learned to put me first. Maybe after I learn how to do that, and he learns how to let someone in, we can maybe pick up on a healthier note.

But, at 21 I think the biggest thing that I need to learn is how to be happy with just me. 2017 is going to be about finding true happiness without anyone else's consent.

This doesn't mean that if some terrific guy comes around I won't be open to it, but I always heard that love always finds you when you are not looking, and I very much intend to test that theory.

To true love,

To not settling,

and to not letting yourself or your happiness come second place to someone else's.

Happy New Year

To a new start, to a new beginning, to a new lease on life.