Fear's Last Victory.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and it was partly because I was in a car with just me and my thoughts for 20 hours.

I did a lot of thinking about this year, and how it is already almost coming to a close. I thought about all the people that have come and gone, and the people I wished that stuck around, and the ones I wish I had let go sooner.

I had nowhere to run away to, and nothing to distract me from everything I usually tried to push back in my mind.

I thought about how I want to change myself. Not only for a new years resolution, but for life.

I got honest with myself about my shortcomings and my faults. I realized that I was more a talker than a doer. I have all these grandiose plans that I create in my head, but I more often follow through less than I'd like.

In all aspects of my life, I have been settling. Settling for a job that I don't see a career in, a housing situation I desperately need to change in order to feel a bit more independent, and most importantly compromising on the things that I want, for fear of failure.

I was able to have an incredible conversation with my best friend this week about fear. She showed me that fear takes things from us. When we decide that we are going to let fear win, we never even gi

ve ourselves a chance to try. We spend so many hours of our lives trying to think about the what if's that we end up just sitting in a room waiting for life to happen to us. When we fixate on the possibilities and outcomes of a situation we end up just thinking. We never allow ourselves the pleasure of the journey. Sometimes the best thing could turn out to be the worst, even though it started out great, or sometimes something that seemed doomed, turns out to be the best thing that ever happens to you.

I want to be a person that does. I no longer want to be the person that just thinks.

There are so many things that I have lost from fear and I refuse to let it have anymore. So from now on, I'm all in on everything. I will stand by my decisions, whether they bite me in the ass or prove to be pretty fantastic. They will be mine, because I finally did something instead of letting fear have all the fun.

"When you take a step out of your comfort zone and commit...when a decision makes you scared to move your feet, or stand your ground, thats when you finally learn what life is worth living for." -Me.